bartenderbaby

You know when you find yourself in the middle of two conversations about the same event? Maybe you don’t but in a town this small it happens quite frequently, and that goes double for me because I work at a local hangout. I hear all kinds of gossip and rumors and little snippets of conversation that make my jaw drop on a regular basis. Now, for the most part, I try to stay discrete when it comes to airing other people’s dirty laundry on the Internet. I change names when I can, and for the sanity of my friends I usually try not to talk about them in particular. This story, however I couldn’t keep to myself because it’s just too funny.

I don’t like to talk about bodily functions, but I’m making an exception because at the bar the other night, my friend (nameless and half intoxicated) comes out of the restroom looking a little fidgety, comes over to me and says “You know when you have to pee so bad that when you finally go, you’re so relaxed that you fart a little?”  I laughed so hard at her that I almost peed a little, so yes I can relate. She goes on to tell me that she committed the ultimate bathroom faux pas while the other stall was occupied and was so embarrassed that she booked out of there and forgot her cocktail beside the sink.

I started making a new bev, while reassuring my friend that the other girl probably didn’t even hear it and definitely wouldn’t recognize her anyway and not to worry. Just then a couple of gals came up to order and while I was getting their drinks I overhear them giggling about some girl passing you-know-what in the restroom and leaving her drink on the counter. The gist of the conversation was that they were trying to figure out who it was by comparing the type of cocktail different ladies were drinking to the one they found at the scene. Holy crap. My friend turned about as red as the drink she left behind.

Very coolly, I dumped her drink and made another (different color this time) and as the other girls walked away I noticed a small scrap of toilet paper stuck to one of their shoes. Funny how karma works that way

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