bartenderbaby

Things I’ve done so far this month: (in no particular order)

 Played Super Mario Bros. (old school) for four hours straight.

Cleaned out all my old pots for new spring plants.

Fell off the no red meat wagon.

Sang Crazy Rap by Afro-man on Karaoke night.

Ate three boxes of girl scout cookies.

Saved a worm from an untimely death at the hand, or shoe, of a 3 year old (Who was convinced it was a snake.)

I think that’s pretty much it. It’s been a rather uneventful month, hence the lack of blogs to entertain you, my faithful reader.

Sometimes, I just rant to rant. It lets me get some steam out, because nobody wants to hear people complain in person. Just because I say a conservative was an asshole to me, it doesn’t mean I hate all conservatives. Same goes for smokers, freaks, and hoes.

This blog is my outlet and own personal form of therapy. It works for me, and when I’m ranting about one person or another I never use names…because I’m not a bitch. (and also, because I don’t have the kind of mug that can take a hit and make it look cool. That’s my money maker, I can’t be pissing people off and showing up at work looking like Rhianna, you know what I’m saying?) 

 If you’re lucky enough to know about my writing,  just appreciate that. If you piss me off, then you should fully expect to be anonymously trashed on the internet. That is the advantage of blogging. If you don’t like it, write a blog about how much of a dick this girl you know is….and then let it go.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of lent…a time for sacrifices and eating less meat. As a matter of fact, my sacrifice for lent this year will be to give up red meat. I’ve been slowly making my way towards vegetarianism and I think now’s a good time to see if I can cut red meat out of my diet all together. I’m not quite sure I can kick the white meat habit but you have to start somewhere right?

Before this week I was fully set to give up alcohol for lent. Unfortunately, some shit went down on the home-front recently that has severely depleted my patience stock and has therefore driven me to drinking. HA. Red meat it is.

I made an appearance at an event this weekend held at my old hangout. For the most part I needed a change of scenery and this party seemed like the perfect opportunity. On some level I also wanted a little slice of nostalgia but it didn’t come in the form I expected.

I get there and immediately notice the bar is completely remodeled. Only a vague inclination of what my favorite weekend home used to be. Disappointing, but not intolerable. I settle in and wait for the fun to begin.

I fully expected a great show and great people. What I got was a mediocre performance which included two or three kids singing along to songs played by a DJ. (a.k.a. KARAOKE!) and some real assholes for “fans”.  I have to hand it to the performers, though, because they actually had enough balls to pass off their little “gig” as a real show and even charged a cover!

I did end up seeing a couple of people I hadn’t seen in a long time, but they were both the type of acquaintance that you wouldn’t approach right away because you can’t remember exactly how you know them…By the end of the night I witnessed two blood spattered people being escorted out and three police officers wielding mace and big black batons just waiting for an opportunity to use them. Hardly the nostalgic fun filled night I was looking forward to.

During the cold months you can usually find me bundled up in a blanket sipping hot chocolate with my thermostat set around 73 degrees. I don’t even hate winter, I actually like it for the most part, I just try to avoid things like frostbite and chapped lips. This year, however, I’ve been venturing out into the snow for some winter time fun. I take my son out to play, we throw snowballs, build snowmen and forts, sled and drink hot chocolate. I even went ice fishing with my dad for the first time last week.

The snow plows in town pile up all the snow from the town square in one corner lot and with all the snow we got the last couple days, that pile turned into a mountain. Last night after work, J and I decided to take couple of the huge serving trays out of the kitchen and went sledding. It was crazy fun. I think the bottoms of the trays were all greased up because they really fly in the snow. I got all banged up from hitting the pavement pretty hard a couple times and J took a good blow to the knee, but we still had an awesome time. I think there might be a repeat performance again tonight.

Pretty much I’ve just been enjoying myself this season. That is until this morning. On my way to work I slid off the road and got stuck in the snow. My 4 wheel drive (which I swear by) wasn’t even enough to save my ass from the ditch. Fortunately for me two very nice gentlemen in a sturdy truck stopped and pulled my car out. Before that I called my hubby to come rescue me and when I called to tell him not to worry about it he informed me that on his way to my aid he had gotten stuck in our driveway. HA. I turned home to help him out and when I got to the driveway I proceeded to turn in and got stuck right beside him. Ahh what a morning.

We both got out unscathed eventually, but it was enough. I’m ready for a few beers and looking forward to tearing up a steep parking lot mountain.

A few weeks ago I was called to give testimony on an incident that happened nearly two months ago. Today I woke up at the ass crack of dawn after a long night of work and made my way down to the county courthouse. I arrived at 8:00 am and waited for an hour for someone to come out and say it would be at least another two hours before they needed me. Annoying, but not unbearable.

The rest of the witnesses and I went down to the local cafe for a bite and a bev. We waited our allotted time and arrived back to court bellies full and ready to start. I sat down and watched the clock tick…I watched the clock tick by 60 times. That’s right I waited another hour. Then they started calling in witnesses. I was the last to go (of course!) and by the time I had finished I was nearly five hours into my day.

They asked us to wait until they had reached a verdict to leave and how long did it take them? Another hour. That’s right. I spent a total of 6 Fing hours on a hard bench in the courthouse to give 5 minutes worth of testimony which ended up making not one bit of difference anyway. Where’s the justice in that?

Is there a lesson to this story?  YES. Do not wear loud shoes. Nothing is more annoying than the clickety clack of some perky little receptionist’s heals as she flits from one office to the other on the hideous marble floor put there for the sole purpose of making me CRAZY!

Things that I love

-Campfires. I love snuggling up to my hubby with a blanket sipping some wine and watching stuff burn.

-Drinking. Red wine, dirty grey goose martinis, vanilla vodka with Sunkist, Leinenkugel berry Weiss, and Coors light on draft are my favorites in that order.

-Hanging out with my toddler, watching him learn new things every day.

-Girls days out with A & A. Chipotle, movies, and shopping. Does it get any better?

-Wintertime fun with my family. Sledding, snowmen, snowball fights, red cheeks, cold fingers and hot chocolate.

-Rachel Ray. I love those 30 minute meals. (they take me longer than 30 minutes but I still love em.)

-Card games and Billiards

-The new Mariah Carey perfume. I bought it for my sister for Christmas but it’s so great that I sneak it every day.  (she’s gonna be so pissed at me when she reads this because she hates it when I use her stuff.) HAHA

-Lip Gloss. Your lips can never be too shiny or too moist.

-Meditation. (I’m trying it to see if I can ease up on my angry outbursts…see previous post)

-My life in general. I know this sounds totally mushy, but I couldn’t ask for a better family. They fill my days with love, fun, and laughter. Yes, we all get stressed at times and every day isn’t the best of days but we keep loving each other through the rain and when the sun shines again, our lives seem even brighter than before.

I am so so so tired of all the conservative jerks that I encounter every day with some negative opinion about our president elect. When they aren’t complaining about not being able to smoke up our oxygen, they’re talking about how much trouble we’re in for now that Obama is taking over.

Ann Coulter “America’s conservative” says that our criminal problems are to be blamed on single mothers because the majority of convicts in our prison systems come from broken homes. Well, I guess she didn’t bother to find out that the majority of homes in the U.S. are broken! The majority of people EVERYWHERE come from broken homes. There’s hypocrisy on all sides!

News flash- Our country didn’t get in dire straits over night. You can blame your precious George W. for our problems as of now. Not to mention Bill Clinton, who was so busy trying not to get impeached by a bunch of conservative jerks that he didn’t do us any favors either.

So, it’s been a work in progress for several years. There’s blame to be passed around all over. Everyone’s done their share to make problems for us. What to do now, except move forward? Quit blaming and start changing. We can do it. Yes we can.

Things that annoy me:

-Chapped lips. What the hell did people do before chap-stick?

-Getting old/fat. I want to fit my ass into the cute green dress but I just can’t do it. I can’t.

-Burning the roof of my mouth on hot ass pizza. Then for like a week you can’t eat anything because it hurts.

-Being sick with a cold. (often accompanied by chapped lips.) double whammy.

-People with shitty attitudes. Everyone hates you, it’s not just me.

-Wine mixed with sprite. Sick.

-Adult acne. You’re ruining my life.

-Surveys on myspace.

Generally speaking, I try not to blog while in a shitty mood because I’ll get over it and feel bad about being a negative Nancy later. I might write something nice and uplifting tomorrow you never know. Being a woman is tricky business.

I actually had a fantastic new year. I worked, but everyone wore their fancy pants and party hats, we toasted champagne at midnight and generally just rocked out. A good time was had by all to be sure. Then I woke up.

January 2. This is the crappiest day of the year by far. It’s like coming back from vacation and you’re all jet lagged and shit. Inevitably, this is the day that you’re abnormally busy at work, or everybody wants you to do something for them. A big reality slap in the face.

I work a full day today, 15 hours all together. There’s supposed to be a band tonight so by the end of it I’m sure I’ll be ready for a cocktail. OK I probably won’t wait until the end but that’s neither here nor there. It’s also my boss’s birthday. He cracks me up though because while I was complaining earlier he says “Yeah January 2nd is like partying all night until you can hear the birds chirping and start to see the sun rise, and then realizing that you  have to be at work in like an hour.” HA!

So, I’m going in to work in a few hours. We’ve been practicing flaming shots, and I’ve only caught one guy’s thumb on fire so far. (that was pretty much his own fault though.) I’ll let you know how it goes.